January 2010
1 post
Is it the fucking? I'm guessing it's for the... →
November 2009
1 post
October 2009
2 posts
I have no problem with this. →
September 2009
7 posts
I just feel like he would really get me, you know?
All I require is that he speak some English. Monosyllabic is fine.
bthny:
I really really hope that chairmanoftheboard’s name is a reference to that amazing norm macdonald/conan o’brien clip from way back in the day
Yes. With Courtney Thorne-Smith as the second guest, talking about her new film with Carrot Top? I remember it like it was yesterday.
(except that you misspelled it in your post, but whatevs, I love that someone else got the reference and...
My vote is for wingtips!
It needs saying: Thomas Wheatley’s shoe game is ridic.
That’s the good thing about gingers. They know they have to try that little bit harder.
Keep in mind when you read this that I am not yet...
I’m upset because the lingering cold I have means that I’m going to drink some Neo-Citran soon and that will knock me out and I will therefore miss John Fogerty on Letterman.
August 2009
6 posts
“Don’t believe the hype; D[istrict]-9 was about as original as a bowel...”
– My awesome friend (who also runs this blog)
I hope at least one of them is "Mom"
Ha, joke’s on them! They’re going to look so stupid once their scales start sagging…
I, for one, am inconsolable
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Just click this. Trust me, okay? →
July 2009
6 posts
Seriously, check the archives. I never said it.
I never said I wasn’t weak.
Becoming that which I hate.
Some questions:
(1) Are you a “fan” of my inane nonsense but wish I would use fewer words?
(2) Are you a “fan” of my inane nonsense but wish I would use fewer words and display a blatant disregard for grammatical rules and structure?
(3) Are you a “fan” of my inane nonsense but wish I would use fewer words and display a blatant disregard for grammatical rules...
Damned architects and their lack of creativity.
I cannot impress upon you how disappointed I am that the home wasn’t shaped like a giant vagina.
"That you need a date" is not an acceptable...
You guys, what does it say about me that I find this totally attractive?
Way too insidery.
Aw, man. Something tells me that of all the recent celebrity deaths, this one is going to hurt Balk the most.
June 2009
5 posts
We're just saying what you're thinking.
Friend: it’s like Al Qaeda has targeted our celebs! Friend: It’s like 9/11 all over again Me: I WOULD SAY IT’S WORSE Friend: it is worse
Also, I spent the rest of the evening doing the...
thomaswheatley:
tesslynch:boggle:
You should watch it. It expires in a week.
And I know I’ve said it before, but I fucking love Jonathan Glazer.
No, no, no, no, no! (Warning: Clip contains graphic language and violence from a magnificent film)
It says a lot that I went to a bloody theatre to see this film when it was released. That’s significant because unless we’re dating...
The entire Midwest is just 'big-boned' I'm sure
Put this on eBay and I promise you that the highest bidder will be from Wisconsin.
Edit as of June 16th: The Colbert Report made a nearly-identical joke tonight. I’ve read the Tumblr guidelines, and this makes me an Emmy winner by proxy.
You don't want to know what happened to Zola's...
Sister: Hemingway was an alcoholic, right?
Me: Yeah—
Sister: How’d he die?
Me: Killed himself. Shotgun.
Sister: How old was he?
Me: I don’t know….60s? 50s?
Sister: [after a pause] Did he keep the cats inside or outside?
May 2009
13 posts
A pox on all future grants, you monsters.
WHY DO YOU NOT WANT ME TO SLEEP AT NIGHT, SCIENCE?
I'm just lovely
(Context: The sister was looking for something to watch on the TeeVee)
Me: No! Nothing with midgets or design.
You have no one to blame but the doctors behind...
Also a problem? Being such a bad actor that you make Elisha Cuthbert look like Glenn Close.
He's too young to be a "confirmed bachelor" just...
I, for one, cannot wait to see how creative various writers, tv entertainment reporters, and of course bloggers become in their search for euphemisms for “gay” in light of this week’s American Idol finale.
Drinking game officially on.
Did voodoo cause my daughter to be stillborn? |... →
In a word? Yes.
Jon and Kate + other people's mates (see what I...
Wha?
You mean to tell me that two people who thought it was a good idea to get pregnant again, shortly after having twins, via a procedure that they knew both through personal and scientific evidence would almost certainly lead to another multiple birth, meaning that they would have several children within the first few years of their marriage, and who then decided to raise these children ON...
You should see my highschool report cards. I...
[Scene: footage of shuttle launch airing on nightly news]
Mom: What is that? Is that oxy—?
Me: I have no idea how science works, mom.
It's got Maury. I had to blog it.
Ko’ree See ka, before you ask.
I need a library card, PRONTO
Jesus Christ, I just realized that I have purchased more hair accessories for my dog than for myself.
That can’t be healthy. Someone tell me it’s healthy. What’s that you say, disembodied voice I occassionally hear? It’s perfectly normal, nay, commendable? Thanks!
Is it the eyebrows? Because you know, they sell...
Oh, Kiefer. Of all the women in the world over whom you could have jeopardized your probation (namely, ME) Brooke effing Shields? Suddenly cunting Susan? Seriously, bro?
This is not 1986, goddammit. You were at party celebrating MODELS for god’s sake. ANY ONE OF THEM WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE. I can live with you going to jail for defending Sasha Pivovarova’s honour. But not this.
You...
April 2009
5 posts
I'm so disappointed that I can't even look at you,...
Maybe this swine flu is what we deserve.
It's actually tragic, I know, I know
Them Talibans be some kinky motherfuckers!
I want to go to there.
This one? Oh, this one can be, like, a huge CSI: Miami fan and I would put up with it, you know?
March 2009
6 posts
Breaking: The black dude from the new 90210 has...
Why limit it to print? I hereby call for the death of all news media.
[edit: pinkeye is funnier than hangnail. Seriously, look it up. Though maybe not on Google Images]
This is why I don't have a Twitter account, &c...
Why has no band taken the name Eye-Wash Station yet?
It's a gift. What I have is a gift.
On the plus side, they have really gotten into Fripp & Eno.